I’m kinda in a not brilliant place yet. It’s partly what I’ve been going through over the last few months with the meds and partly a normal slump in function I seem to have every spring. Why I get worse in spring time I have no idea but it is like clockwork, every year. Could be my allergies, they seem to be extra potent this year.
I’m having some problems stringing longer thoughts and sentences together, and I’m keeping pretty quiet on social media in fear of saying the wrong thing now that my head isn’t all there. I want to take part but I keep worrying I’ll say something that will be taken all wrong. Tone is hard online isn’t it? Especially when you write in a language that isn’t your first and your brain is a tiny little bit scrambled.
I’ve upped the frequency of my infusions a bit, so my pain is sort of under control. At first we increased my gabapentin intake which worked but the major side effect I got was insatiable hunger and well, overeating is a very old “friend” of mine and I kind of had hoped never to see that guy again so that had to stop. Fast. I gained a metric shitton of weight in two months on top of what I already have so my doc has prescribed Topamax for me so we’ll see if it helps a bit. I’ve stopped taking gabapentin and lo and behold the food intake stopped on a dime.
My pain doc is just amazing, I’m not sure I’ve dealt with anyone else taking all of my history so seriously and making sure all of me is doing the best I can. Yes, I know how lucky I am to have him on my team.
It’s slow going here for me. The med tapering has gone pretty well, but my pain levels are off the hook right now. I’m seeing my pain doc on tuesday so hopefully I’ll feel a little better after that and can get started on new meds. I’m getting an infusion and probably a block in my neck again so that will help I think. I really didn’t remember what it was like to not be constantly on opioids and have had a really hard time staying positive the last few weeks.
I’ve been watching a lot of bad action and monster movies to distract myself and I might have seen all of Jason Statham’s back catalogue over the last week or so. He mostly plays the same guys (cop or assassin) over and over again, so I can drift a bit in between fight scenes.
Why do the hair and makeup people always put Jason in really bad wigs tho? I mean, there is actual footage of the man with his own hair so finding out where his hairline should go is not impossible.
I’ve had some hard weeks after Christmas. That’s mostly normal, but I also have the added burden of tapering my pain meds this month. I’ve been on Tramadol for a long time, and they are no longer effective so it had to be done. I’m being careful about it but it is kinda hard and I’m hurting a lot. The last two days have been particularly bad, and last night I had one of those spikes that reached the 8-9 on the pain scale.
Btw, I use Hyperbole and a Half‘s excellent pain scale. Go read the thing , there are very good descriptions.
I’m having trouble paying attention, and things are going way too fast for me on social media and the like so if you are wondering why I’m not quite with it this is why. I’m just gonna stay in bed and drink some more cocoa and possibly watch another monster movie. I watched a very bad one called Ice Sharks earlier and that was the best choice I could make today. Sharks, very smart sharks, eating everyone on the ice. Brilliant!
Yesterday Carrie Fisher died following her heart attack on friday. It hit me harder than I thought it would and I had a lot of tears coming last night. The culmination of the loss of the wonderful people who made up a lot of my childhood and adolescence has made this year harder than others, and this week with the death of George Michael and Carrie Fisher harder still. My friend IAmElenaFerrante has written a lovely blogpost on how she felt when George Michael died here, and it’s well worth a read.
Carrie obviously meant a lot to me. She was a person that was unapologetically herself and wouldn’t let anyone change that. She was smart, very funny and apparently great to everyone who met her. I wasn’t a massive Star Wars fan, I liked it but didn’t feel the need to involve myself in that particular fandom in my younger years. I appreciate it much more now, and love the new one a lot.
My feelings about Carrie matured as well over the last few years when her visibility increased again. Pretty much any appearance or interview she did is worth watching, but one of my absolute favourites is her QI participation:
It’s also worth it finding her writing. She had a way with words, and it’s not surprising she was a brilliant script doctor. All the stories written about her over the last day makes me wish I could have met her even more than I already did. As a lasting tribute I’ll include the cause of death she wanted: She died drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.
Christmas is upon us and here in Norway we start the celebration on Christmas Eve. Actually most of us start on December 23rd which is the day the last details are supposed to be put in place. I can’t manage three days in a row now so my Lille Julaften (Little Christmas Eve) was spent resting, taking a shower and making the Norwegian version of sauerkraut.
Our sauerkraut is not fermented like the german version is. It’s delicious tho and is perfect with the pork based feast we traditionally eat on Christmas Eve. To make it you need:
1/2 tablespoon caraway seeds
1/2 cup white wine vinegar/apple cider vinegar (maybe a little more if it needs it)
2-3 tablespoons of sugar
1/2 l Stock (I use chicken)
Salt and pepper to taste
I cut the cabbage into wedges and then into strips in the food processor. Cut the apple into smallish cubes (it will dissolve when cooked). Put all the ingredients in a large pot and bring to a boil, simmer for about two hours until it looks like this:
Heat before eating.
My mom and I have spent a couple of hours tonight with me in my new Christmas PJs. That is a new tradition that we started after I got worse again. She left me while I still had some energy left and has gone up to my uncle to spend the rest of the night there with some more of our family. She’s picking me up tomorrow to go to hers for christmas breakfast (traditionally it lasts all day here but I probably only have about two hours in me).
We’ve eaten our pork belly, pork meatballs and pork roast and had cloudberry cream for dessert. We’ve opened a few presents and toasted in non alcoholic beverages. I do miss having a little Aquavit to drink but that seems like an incredibly bad idea right now when just a little alcohol makes me very hung over and this particular drink has a lot.
I wish you all a very merry holiday and hope to come back with more in Romjula (day 1-5 of Christmas).
Two of my oldest and dearest friends are coming to see me before christmas for as long as I can manage that day. I’m trying my hardest to curb the impulse to clean all the things and cook up a storm like I normally would. Yes, I tended to go all out when people came over. I haven’t seen them face to face for a long long time, and I would love to be the bestest hostess ever when I do (I do know they are coming to see me and not to judge my hostess skills. Really.).
Weeks in advance and I’m already stressed out, mostly because I’ve missed them a lot and want to show that by giving them everything I can. I’m trying to think of something really simple to serve them that won’t take much prep and I can do the day before. My mom is coming in to clean for me. I’ll shower the day before, and then someone should really sit on me so I don’t get up to do “stuff”.