I’m kinda in a not brilliant place yet. It’s partly what I’ve been going through over the last few months with the meds and partly a normal slump in function I seem to have every spring. Why I get worse in spring time I have no idea but it is like clockwork, every year. Could be my allergies, they seem to be extra potent this year.
I’m having some problems stringing longer thoughts and sentences together, and I’m keeping pretty quiet on social media in fear of saying the wrong thing now that my head isn’t all there. I want to take part but I keep worrying I’ll say something that will be taken all wrong. Tone is hard online isn’t it? Especially when you write in a language that isn’t your first and your brain is a tiny little bit scrambled.
I’ve upped the frequency of my infusions a bit, so my pain is sort of under control. At first we increased my gabapentin intake which worked but the major side effect I got was insatiable hunger and well, overeating is a very old “friend” of mine and I kind of had hoped never to see that guy again so that had to stop. Fast. I gained a metric shitton of weight in two months on top of what I already have so my doc has prescribed Topamax for me so we’ll see if it helps a bit. I’ve stopped taking gabapentin and lo and behold the food intake stopped on a dime.
My pain doc is just amazing, I’m not sure I’ve dealt with anyone else taking all of my history so seriously and making sure all of me is doing the best I can. Yes, I know how lucky I am to have him on my team.
It’s slow going here for me. The med tapering has gone pretty well, but my pain levels are off the hook right now. I’m seeing my pain doc on tuesday so hopefully I’ll feel a little better after that and can get started on new meds. I’m getting an infusion and probably a block in my neck again so that will help I think. I really didn’t remember what it was like to not be constantly on opioids and have had a really hard time staying positive the last few weeks.
I’ve been watching a lot of bad action and monster movies to distract myself and I might have seen all of Jason Statham’s back catalogue over the last week or so. He mostly plays the same guys (cop or assassin) over and over again, so I can drift a bit in between fight scenes.
Why do the hair and makeup people always put Jason in really bad wigs tho? I mean, there is actual footage of the man with his own hair so finding out where his hairline should go is not impossible.
I’ve had some hard weeks after Christmas. That’s mostly normal, but I also have the added burden of tapering my pain meds this month. I’ve been on Tramadol for a long time, and they are no longer effective so it had to be done. I’m being careful about it but it is kinda hard and I’m hurting a lot. The last two days have been particularly bad, and last night I had one of those spikes that reached the 8-9 on the pain scale.
Btw, I use Hyperbole and a Half‘s excellent pain scale. Go read the thing , there are very good descriptions.
I’m having trouble paying attention, and things are going way too fast for me on social media and the like so if you are wondering why I’m not quite with it this is why. I’m just gonna stay in bed and drink some more cocoa and possibly watch another monster movie. I watched a very bad one called Ice Sharks earlier and that was the best choice I could make today. Sharks, very smart sharks, eating everyone on the ice. Brilliant!
Yesterday Carrie Fisher died following her heart attack on friday. It hit me harder than I thought it would and I had a lot of tears coming last night. The culmination of the loss of the wonderful people who made up a lot of my childhood and adolescence has made this year harder than others, and this week with the death of George Michael and Carrie Fisher harder still. My friend IAmElenaFerrante has written a lovely blogpost on how she felt when George Michael died here, and it’s well worth a read.
Carrie obviously meant a lot to me. She was a person that was unapologetically herself and wouldn’t let anyone change that. She was smart, very funny and apparently great to everyone who met her. I wasn’t a massive Star Wars fan, I liked it but didn’t feel the need to involve myself in that particular fandom in my younger years. I appreciate it much more now, and love the new one a lot.
My feelings about Carrie matured as well over the last few years when her visibility increased again. Pretty much any appearance or interview she did is worth watching, but one of my absolute favourites is her QI participation:
It’s also worth it finding her writing. She had a way with words, and it’s not surprising she was a brilliant script doctor. All the stories written about her over the last day makes me wish I could have met her even more than I already did. As a lasting tribute I’ll include the cause of death she wanted: She died drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.
Christmas is upon us and here in Norway we start the celebration on Christmas Eve. Actually most of us start on December 23rd which is the day the last details are supposed to be put in place. I can’t manage three days in a row now so my Lille Julaften (Little Christmas Eve) was spent resting, taking a shower and making the Norwegian version of sauerkraut.
Our sauerkraut is not fermented like the german version is. It’s delicious tho and is perfect with the pork based feast we traditionally eat on Christmas Eve. To make it you need:
1/2 tablespoon caraway seeds
1/2 cup white wine vinegar/apple cider vinegar (maybe a little more if it needs it)
2-3 tablespoons of sugar
1/2 l Stock (I use chicken)
Salt and pepper to taste
I cut the cabbage into wedges and then into strips in the food processor. Cut the apple into smallish cubes (it will dissolve when cooked). Put all the ingredients in a large pot and bring to a boil, simmer for about two hours until it looks like this:
Heat before eating.
My mom and I have spent a couple of hours tonight with me in my new Christmas PJs. That is a new tradition that we started after I got worse again. She left me while I still had some energy left and has gone up to my uncle to spend the rest of the night there with some more of our family. She’s picking me up tomorrow to go to hers for christmas breakfast (traditionally it lasts all day here but I probably only have about two hours in me).
We’ve eaten our pork belly, pork meatballs and pork roast and had cloudberry cream for dessert. We’ve opened a few presents and toasted in non alcoholic beverages. I do miss having a little Aquavit to drink but that seems like an incredibly bad idea right now when just a little alcohol makes me very hung over and this particular drink has a lot.
I wish you all a very merry holiday and hope to come back with more in Romjula (day 1-5 of Christmas).
Two of my oldest and dearest friends are coming to see me before christmas for as long as I can manage that day. I’m trying my hardest to curb the impulse to clean all the things and cook up a storm like I normally would. Yes, I tended to go all out when people came over. I haven’t seen them face to face for a long long time, and I would love to be the bestest hostess ever when I do (I do know they are coming to see me and not to judge my hostess skills. Really.).
Weeks in advance and I’m already stressed out, mostly because I’ve missed them a lot and want to show that by giving them everything I can. I’m trying to think of something really simple to serve them that won’t take much prep and I can do the day before. My mom is coming in to clean for me. I’ll shower the day before, and then someone should really sit on me so I don’t get up to do “stuff”.
Now that I’m watching movies again (thank you mommy for my functioning beautiful iPad) I’m thinking I need to start a series of rants on movies on this blog. I am of course watching them alone so I feel the need to complain about the stupid shit I see in films to someone. That someone is going to have to be you I’m afraid.
I have a deep, unabiding love for monster movies. The stupider the better. Usually these things are low budget but sometimes Hollywood makes an effort to make high budget ones and make them serious which usually ends up with something like this:
OMG this movie. Can I point out that the only reason Aaron Taylor-Johnson is still alive by the end of it is because he is incredibly slow? As in stopping and staring every time something happens slow? For minutes on end? It might be a good survival strategy in real life but in a movie being the total opposite of Quicksilver makes him just seem – well – not quite as heroic as he is supposed to be.
Elizabeth Olsen (hey there second Maximoff twin) plays his wife and is a nurse i think, but I’m just gonna pretend she is a doctor to counteract some of the tropes. The kid that plays Sam, their kid is – I believe – supposed to be charming and cute, but like almost every other human in this story is – well – not (except the lost japanese kid. He was cute). Aaron spends most of the movie trying to reach them in San Francisco after meeting one of the Motos in Japan, seeing Bryan Cranston die, meeting Godzilla on Hawaii, getting almost stomped on by Mrs. Moto in Nevada and getting almost stomped on by all three in San Francisco.
The “experts” Ken Watanabe and Sally Hawkins are just way too overly emotional and dramatic to take seriously. In a movie that takes itself very seriously. Why can’t Sally be the competent one? It’s just so annoying. You root for the military guys and that’s just wrong in a monster movie. They are never right. The only human hero in this freaking film is the bus driver that saves the kids on the bridge (including Sam, not that anyone cares) by driving them of it when everyone else is standing around staring at Godzilla and the Motos.
The tone of the thing is VERY serious all the way through. There isn’t a single joke or fun person in the entire two hours. Not even Bryan Cranston. Which is in the movie. The 1998 Godzilla was cheesy as hell but I love that movie with all my heart just because Jean Reno is in it. I love Jean Reno. There were jokes in that movie. lots of jokes. And Jean Reno. I miss that movie.
The monsters are great though. I wish they were on screen more. And stomped a bit more on the slooooooow one.
When I was better I managed to take rest periods on the days I worked from home, and I’d take a break or two to regroup when I was at the office, and when I came home. This meant I had absolutely no social life at all and I had no energy to do anything else than basic stuff. After I my big crash last year my baseline has been difficult to find. I still do way too much on the days I feel a bit better. I’m semi mobile and manage to feed myself and keep myself and my place in ok shape but I just want to do everything. I’ve finally accepted that I need help and my mom comes in and does the heavy stuff, but still…
Resting is very hard for me. My brain starts working on high gear almost immediately after laying down, and before you know it I have analyzed Jurassic World and worked myself into a little bit of a furious state. Yes she is their aunt, but for fucks sake she is running a multi million dollar business that requires her attention and is not a convenient babysitter service for sisters who are getting divorced without telling their kids first.
(How did this movie happen btw? You must have a pretty bad script and a really bad director to manage to get this calibre of actors to be thisbland. Omar Sy is in this mess for fucks sake, and Pratt should manage to be funny if you just let him do his thing. Bryce Dallas Howard has nothing to work with here, you can see the struggle if you look.)
Sometimes I design my dream house in what is supposed to be rest, and end up in trouble when I eventually have to look up if whatever it is I want is possible. I don’t want a large house just a fantastic one. I’m thinking I need a view like this and a house with large windows facing the right way.
I’m trying the guided meditations on youtube and I think I need to try to stick to a set schedule so I’m being a bit more proactive here with my rest. I’m so bored these days I’m doing the boom and bust thing and as a result spending even more time in bed and that is not good.
So this was all rambly and possibly a bit incoherent but hopefully you get the gist?
I’m 42 years old today. Though my body feels like it’s a hundred and ten I feel like I’m still 27 1/2 inside. I would like a puppy, a puppy, a puppy and everything in the Apple store for my birthday please. And a puppy
PS. My mommy got me a new iPad so I don’t need that from the Apple Store any more. I cried. My old iPad might have been the oldest one still in a semblance of working order but the new one is the bestest thing ever. I love my mommy.