This year is taking it’s toll

Yesterday Carrie Fisher died following her heart attack on friday. It hit me harder than I thought it would and I had a lot of tears coming last night. The culmination of the loss of the wonderful people who made up a lot of my childhood and adolescence has made this year harder than others, and this week with the death of George Michael and Carrie Fisher harder still. My friend IAmElenaFerrante has written a lovely blogpost on how she felt when George Michael died here, and it’s well worth a read.

Carrie obviously meant a lot to me. She was a person that was unapologetically herself and wouldn’t let anyone change that. She was smart, very funny and ¬†apparently great to everyone who met her. I wasn’t a massive Star Wars fan, I liked it but didn’t feel the need to involve myself in that particular fandom in my younger years. I appreciate it much more now, and love the new one a lot.

My feelings about Carrie matured as well over the last few years when her visibility increased again. Pretty much any appearance or interview she did is worth watching, but one of my absolute favourites is her QI participation:

It’s also worth it finding her writing. She had a way with words, and it’s not surprising she was a brilliant script doctor. All the stories written about her over the last day makes me wish I could have met her even more than I already did. As a lasting tribute I’ll include the cause of death she wanted: She died drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

Almost done with 2015

2015 has been a very strange year for me. I had a massive flare up of ME/Cfs in march after being fairly well for several years and has been on sick leave ever since. ¬†This time as it has before it was triggered by a sequence of infections, but unlike before I haven’t recuperated enough to go back to work even part time. I just count myself lucky that I didn’t end up in the severe category, and in need of home care. I am mostly stuck at home, but I manage the day to day stuff on my own.

Now I’m nothing if not stubborn, so I started preparing for the renovation being home all the time anyway. Now that might not be the smartest thing ever. I was trying to get things in order, but six months later and I think most people would think that I had done nothing.

In October my brain decided to rebel, and gave me what is apparently a second brain haemorrhage. I don’t know when I had the first one, it must have been really small as I can’t recall any extra symptoms. I’m really grateful that things went so well, I have some problems with my eyes and short term memory but other than that I’m doing pretty good. New glasses has fixed the worst of the vision problems.

This led to the renovation project of course. I don’t think it was ideal to start something like that when I was recuperating, but it really needed to be done and I got to spend Christmas in my new home. It’s almost finished. There are some details left but I’m in no hurry now.

2016 will start with massive follow ups to my health issues. I’m having a new MRI scan in the first week of January, and then the neurosurgeons will decide if I need an operation. I had to come off some of my meds that increased the risk of haemorrhaging, and they have obviously masked some problems I have with my joints that needs looking at.

I do have one resolution for 2016: I want to live as well as I can do, and I want everyone else to do the same. You don’t know how long you have to do the things you love and be with the people you love, and that is the most important thing. I’m going to try some new things next year, and maybe I’ll love them as much as the old things I’m no longer able to do.