How do you make new friends?

I’m feeling kinda lonely at the moment. I’m in bad enough shape that seeing people in real life is really difficult, and quite frankly I’m no longer a priority for the friends I’ve managed to retain over the years I’ve been sick. I’m not exactly blaming them although it feels a bit hurtful sometimes that they don’t contact me more often. I mean, I really really understand the part about being out and about and doing whatever it is you do when you are well and able. I certainly would if I could. I just wish they’d include me a bit more that’s all. I’m also in an age group where most have smallish children, and that makes it hard for someone to come visit when I feel good enough to see them. They can’t bring their children with them to come see me even if I’d like to either (kids are noisy and to full of energy).

So here is my little problem. I sort of live my life online these days, but for some reason I have difficulties entering conversations online. I quite often have things I want to say but the fact that I have to write it out and be sort of articulate in a shortish period of time freaks me out a little. What if it comes across wrong etc. etc. What if I suddenly stop being able to english or even worse norwegish (that’s a word!)? This means that I often don’t manage to say what I want, and then of course I don’t make friends either. Ugh. I’m trying though. It’s my goal for this year to be more active online but that’s easier said than done.

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I would like some friends that understand what I’m going through, but who also tells stupid jokes and talks about pets and is as geeky as me. Wish me luck .

Food and chronic illness

When you have a chronic illness like mine food is something that can become incredibly difficult to navigate. I have picked up several allergies and intolerance’s to different types of food, and after doing an elimination diet a few years ago I managed to get the worst of the IBS symptoms under a semblance of control. I’m on a lose interpretation of the fodmap diet. And lately I have reintroduced some of the stuff I reacted to before that seems to work OK now. As long as I avoid wheat starch I can have gluten free bread for instance but only certain kinds. Sandwiches certainly makes things easier day to day, but I also have to bake my own bread.

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My energy levels dictate how much cooking I manage to do. Generally things have to be relatively quick and easy to cook. One pot cooking is something i recommend for everyone. Just chuck a load of vegetables in a Pyrex and put whatever meat or fish you like on top  and you’ll have a decent dinner in half an hour or so (remember some spices, herbs and a bit of oil and or lemon/lime and you are golden). I know I’m lucky that I have skills other people don’t have, I was a chef for a while and cooking is something I understand. But it’s also true that the worse I feel the worse my diet gets. It is practically impossible to have high standards when everything is difficult. So living on breakfast cereal, sandwiches, fruit and whatever I manage to scrape together for dinner becomes norm.

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Food – glorious food

I just ate a delicious salad with grilled entrecôte steak (I think it’s called porterhouse or sirloin in the US/UK) and it got me thinking. I’m in a bad period energy wise and eating healthy has fallen by the wayside. In addition some new meds have me hungry all the time (it’s gotten better after I added sink to my supplements). I’ve gained a bit of weight I really don’t need with my shitty knees and I would like not to gain any more.

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I was thinking I should try making mason jar salads. As I understand it they can be made up to a week in advance and stay fresh if you pack them right. I think I need to make snack packages for every day too. I’m making a shopping list heavy on the fruit and vegetables, and hopefully I can make a difference in my diet. I’m adding smoothies in the morning as well. I’ll freeze ready made bags with everything I need, and it should take very little time to make. Fast, easy and tasty is the way to go for now I think. I’ll make a progress report later.

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Bit of an update

I’ve just come home from a meeting with NAV (the Norwegian benefits/social services/work benefits agency) and things are finally looking up. I wrote about it in this post: Trying to get back in to things. I just got a verbal approval in my complaints process, so I’ll have the benefits I’m entitled to soon. It’s such a relief, I had to get emergency social funds to manage last month and that just felt so amazingly wrong event though it’s what they are there for.

Now on to battle with the insurance company on my temporary disability insurance…

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Green fingers – finally

I’ve always thought I couldn’t keep house plants alive. Turns out you have to water them regularly and then they’ll thrive. Look at my living room window.

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These guys have doubled in size in the last six months.Being housebound is apparently good for something 😉

Sorry about the picture quality, I can’t seem to manage good pictures on my iPhone. I hope I can get a better camera soon, but for now you can see my fabulous oak table and my lucite chairs.

I killed my Venus fly catcher though… Poor Frank, I hardly knew you

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#Millionsmissing

Today – May 25th – is a global day of protest for M.E and CFS patients. It is organised through MEAction and what’s happening can be found here: http://millionsmissing.meaction.net/. Actions are planned in several major cities and activists have been sending shoes so we can show our empty places in the world. I haven’t had the money to send mine to the organisers, but here is a picture of my lovely new Adidas originals on my doorstep pretending to go out in the world and have a life on the outside. I think they are going to last me a long time, I’m mostly indoors now, and barefoot is more comfortable laying down.

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Personally I’m missing from my life as someone who was good at her job, had ambitions of developing skills in design and marketing and wanted to do something about the words running around in my head. I’ve had the opening of a horror novel set in a remote area of rural Norway running around in my head for a while. It won’t leave me alone, and I will write it but I think it might take me a few years.

I’m also missing as a friend. My friends do understand that being with them is to draining. I’ve lost friends, it’s difficult to stay in touch with a person who is never there and I’m admittedly difficult to stay in touch with. I’m missing as a family member. Last Christmas was celebrated in my pyjamas with just my mother present. It was nice, but not the way it’s supposed to be. I’m missing as a daughter, my mum has to help me with everything and it should be the other way around. She should be able to enjoy her retirement and not having to worry about her 41 year old daughter. Sometimes I’m glad my dad isn’t alive to see me like this – it would have broken his heart I think – and sometimes all I want is my daddy to come and make it better.

I’m missing from all the things I love to do. I love to be outside. I love hiking and swimming and being in the mountains. I love travelling and seeing new places. I’m missing from all the new things I had yet to discover. I missed out on doing the physical work on my renovation project myself. I’m missing from having a boyfriend, I find it hard to really get to know someone online  and that is probably the only way it will happen now. I’m missing having a dog or two. I grew up with dogs, and I think daily about getting one again but without a yard to let it out in it seems impossible.

This is what this stupid disease is taking away from me and all the people who love and care about me. There are an estimated 17 million people with M.E worldwide. Do you know someone who is missing?

Entertain me, or maybe not?

I have real problems watching TV these days, but a smaller screen like an iPad and using headphones works for some reason. Following new shows and storylines is really difficult for me, and with all the great stuff I read is out there now it makes me sad. I’ve tried to watch all the new superhero and sci-fi shows on Netflix, but the stuff I know I would like is to difficult to follow for me right now. I’ve tried a lot of first episodes that I think is great, but ask me 10 minutes later what I just saw and I won’t be able to tell you. I never seem to get to episode two.

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I’m absolutely not able to go to the movies at the moment. I was really hoping to be well enough to see Captain America: Civil War, because I’ve been looking forward to it since the Winter Soldier. I manage to watch movies on my iPad, with low lights and low volume – but I’s not quite the same is it.

I do watch some old stuff on Youtube these days. Most of the Mst3k episodes are there and they are just as funny as I remember. I love bad movies – particularly monster movies – and when I was better I wrote live watching posts with plenty of snark on a few. They are on my tumblr and I think I might bring them over here some time I have the energy.

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It’s also pro cycling season, and the Giro de Italia is on and I’m not able to follow. It’s just to much flipping between cameras and helicopters. I have to get a little bit better for the Tour de France. It’s my favourite race.