May 12th – International ME Awareness day

It’s May 12th again and that means it’s the International M.E Awareness day again. Time sure flies when you’re having fun. In bed. Alone. Dammit. I’ve been a bit more prepared before and written things in advance, but today you get things written on the fly. Lucky you! I’m also “slightly” high on my brand new pain relief patches which are the first stronger meds I’ve taken after getting off Tramadol so I might not make that much sense today. Feeling absolutely no pain tho, so that’s good.

 

This month has sucked eggs to be honest. I’ve not reacted well to my other new meds, so sleep hasn’t happened as often as I like. Then I got an UTI, hoped it would go away and had to suffer through a long weekend (emergency rooms are not really an option for me normally but in Norway in May we have this so just – no). My mom has gone off on holiday to Italy so I hobbled through a doctors visit on my own with taxis and pharmacies. It’s really the transport bit that is most stressful. And then the damn thing didn’t go away and I had to go back in again. Thankfully now a phone three of uncles and friends of my mom just fixed things for me so it ended up very stress free.

I think this is what makes it so damn hard living with this stupid disease. Whenever you end up having to go outside your normal routines you flail around and make stupid mistakes because your brain isn’t functioning right and then you end up making it worse for yourself.

I wish I could be out with all you lovely M.E warriors standing and sitting up for us today. I’m wearing my MillionsMissing t-shirt and thinking about you. With people like you on the barricades we will succeed.

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Possibly not ME warriors

P.S. For anyone wondering, my mom is taking a very well deserved vacation and is having a blast running around southern Italy visiting volcanoes and whatnot.

 

#Millionsmissing

Today – May 25th – is a global day of protest for M.E and CFS patients. It is organised through MEAction and what’s happening can be found here: http://millionsmissing.meaction.net/. Actions are planned in several major cities and activists have been sending shoes so we can show our empty places in the world. I haven’t had the money to send mine to the organisers, but here is a picture of my lovely new Adidas originals on my doorstep pretending to go out in the world and have a life on the outside. I think they are going to last me a long time, I’m mostly indoors now, and barefoot is more comfortable laying down.

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Personally I’m missing from my life as someone who was good at her job, had ambitions of developing skills in design and marketing and wanted to do something about the words running around in my head. I’ve had the opening of a horror novel set in a remote area of rural Norway running around in my head for a while. It won’t leave me alone, and I will write it but I think it might take me a few years.

I’m also missing as a friend. My friends do understand that being with them is to draining. I’ve lost friends, it’s difficult to stay in touch with a person who is never there and I’m admittedly difficult to stay in touch with. I’m missing as a family member. Last Christmas was celebrated in my pyjamas with just my mother present. It was nice, but not the way it’s supposed to be. I’m missing as a daughter, my mum has to help me with everything and it should be the other way around. She should be able to enjoy her retirement and not having to worry about her 41 year old daughter. Sometimes I’m glad my dad isn’t alive to see me like this – it would have broken his heart I think – and sometimes all I want is my daddy to come and make it better.

I’m missing from all the things I love to do. I love to be outside. I love hiking and swimming and being in the mountains. I love travelling and seeing new places. I’m missing from all the new things I had yet to discover. I missed out on doing the physical work on my renovation project myself. I’m missing from having a boyfriend, I find it hard to really get to know someone online  and that is probably the only way it will happen now. I’m missing having a dog or two. I grew up with dogs, and I think daily about getting one again but without a yard to let it out in it seems impossible.

This is what this stupid disease is taking away from me and all the people who love and care about me. There are an estimated 17 million people with M.E worldwide. Do you know someone who is missing?