May 12th – International ME Awareness day

It’s May 12th again and that means it’s the International M.E Awareness day again. Time sure flies when you’re having fun. In bed. Alone. Dammit. I’ve been a bit more prepared before and written things in advance, but today you get things written on the fly. Lucky you! I’m also “slightly” high on my brand new pain relief patches which are the first stronger meds I’ve taken after getting off Tramadol so I might not make that much sense today. Feeling absolutely no pain tho, so that’s good.

 

This month has sucked eggs to be honest. I’ve not reacted well to my other new meds, so sleep hasn’t happened as often as I like. Then I got an UTI, hoped it would go away and had to suffer through a long weekend (emergency rooms are not really an option for me normally but in Norway in May we have this so just – no). My mom has gone off on holiday to Italy so I hobbled through a doctors visit on my own with taxis and pharmacies. It’s really the transport bit that is most stressful. And then the damn thing didn’t go away and I had to go back in again. Thankfully now a phone three of uncles and friends of my mom just fixed things for me so it ended up very stress free.

I think this is what makes it so damn hard living with this stupid disease. Whenever you end up having to go outside your normal routines you flail around and make stupid mistakes because your brain isn’t functioning right and then you end up making it worse for yourself.

I wish I could be out with all you lovely M.E warriors standing and sitting up for us today. I’m wearing my MillionsMissing t-shirt and thinking about you. With people like you on the barricades we will succeed.

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Possibly not ME warriors

P.S. For anyone wondering, my mom is taking a very well deserved vacation and is having a blast running around southern Italy visiting volcanoes and whatnot.

 

Aftermath – a hangover of the M.E variety

It’s been a few days since the brilliant #MillionsMissing protest. The aftereffects for me after something as adrenaline inducing as this is being “wired but tired”. Real rest becomes even more difficult, my brain and body works on high gear for days and days.

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It was a really good day though. I loved seeing our community coming together like that. I talked to a couple of people I’ve never spoken to before. I was seen by lots of people on twitter even from my couch. I saw the amazingly brave people who could be at the protests do amazing things. I got to tell my GP about our day of action so she is informed. I wrote something on facebook to my meatspace friends and put in a link to my blog for the first time. That was scary, I’ve separated the two on purpose for a while.

When the inevitable emotional crash came, I was watching the live stream from Oslo and the camera operator focused in on a pair of kids rubber boots. I was sobbing my head off and had to stop watching. At this point I was utterly exhausted, but I wanted to be part of more.

Responses has been trickling in for a few days. Some good, some bad, some a bit baffling. I think it’s a sign we’re winning the publicity battle, and I also think the desperation from some quarters shows we are on the right path. That the #MillionsMissing day 2  happened right after the PACE victory is a real boon to us. If you don’t know what I’m talking about please read Julie Rehmeyers piece on Stat.

I’m still running around in my red t-shirt although it needs a wash now. Very comfy and excellent to nap in – 10/10 would buy again

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#MillionsMissing – part 2

It’s the second #MillionsMissing day of Action – Take Two It’s Bigger and Better. I wish I could be present physically in front of the parliament building in Oslo today, but I’m not up to that and I have some other things happening today that I can’t move. Hopefully I can participate in the flesh next time, I should have a wheelchair by then.

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#MillionsMissing

Instead I’m wearing my red t-shirt at home, and at my GP’s office. There is a massive amount of things happening today – for me that is. They are changing my front door today (literally), so builders are running around everywhere making noise. I’m gonna do a little protest in front of them here at home.

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If you are wondering what you can do to help please consider donating to Millions Missing Crowdrise campaign or The Open Medicine foundation. I would also like for you to sign the stopGet petitions if you can (One for brits, and one international). It’s to stop potentially harmful research treatment on children in the UK and is really important to me. It’s one thing to do this research on adults but since we already know it doesn’t work on us it’s diabolical to do the same thing to kids.

I expect I’ll be exhausted by the end of the day and anticipate a crash. I’m really proud of the M.E community and what has been achieved over the last few years. It feels like we have finally managed to gel into a coherent mass with common goals and I can’t thank  the organisers of the different campaigns and organisations enough. I wish I could be more useful.

P.S. I can’t wait to have a new front door. The one I have seems to magnify any sound coming from the stairwell and is leaking air like you would not believe. A new fireproof door and new insulation around it should fix the worst of the sound problems. Not hearing the kids on the third floor running up and down the stairs screaming (not really, they are good kids but kids are heckin loud) would be great!

 

#Millionsmissing

Today – May 25th – is a global day of protest for M.E and CFS patients. It is organised through MEAction and what’s happening can be found here: http://millionsmissing.meaction.net/. Actions are planned in several major cities and activists have been sending shoes so we can show our empty places in the world. I haven’t had the money to send mine to the organisers, but here is a picture of my lovely new Adidas originals on my doorstep pretending to go out in the world and have a life on the outside. I think they are going to last me a long time, I’m mostly indoors now, and barefoot is more comfortable laying down.

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Personally I’m missing from my life as someone who was good at her job, had ambitions of developing skills in design and marketing and wanted to do something about the words running around in my head. I’ve had the opening of a horror novel set in a remote area of rural Norway running around in my head for a while. It won’t leave me alone, and I will write it but I think it might take me a few years.

I’m also missing as a friend. My friends do understand that being with them is to draining. I’ve lost friends, it’s difficult to stay in touch with a person who is never there and I’m admittedly difficult to stay in touch with. I’m missing as a family member. Last Christmas was celebrated in my pyjamas with just my mother present. It was nice, but not the way it’s supposed to be. I’m missing as a daughter, my mum has to help me with everything and it should be the other way around. She should be able to enjoy her retirement and not having to worry about her 41 year old daughter. Sometimes I’m glad my dad isn’t alive to see me like this – it would have broken his heart I think – and sometimes all I want is my daddy to come and make it better.

I’m missing from all the things I love to do. I love to be outside. I love hiking and swimming and being in the mountains. I love travelling and seeing new places. I’m missing from all the new things I had yet to discover. I missed out on doing the physical work on my renovation project myself. I’m missing from having a boyfriend, I find it hard to really get to know someone online  and that is probably the only way it will happen now. I’m missing having a dog or two. I grew up with dogs, and I think daily about getting one again but without a yard to let it out in it seems impossible.

This is what this stupid disease is taking away from me and all the people who love and care about me. There are an estimated 17 million people with M.E worldwide. Do you know someone who is missing?